Mudita Journal

When we no longer need our illusions

May 25, 2008 · Filed under: Individualism, Intellectual, Personal
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I had a dream recently where I went down a rabbit hole and found a people true to themselves.

I wrote down the dream, and one day may share it here. In the interim, here’s one passage that particularly intrigued me:

The community itself was a conscious exercise in trueness. When someone stole, for example, no one got upset, least of all the person who had been stolen from. When the thief had what he needed, the experience of being a thief, he would return whatever had been stolen because he no longer needed it. And no one was surprised, least of all the thief.

This passage came to mind tonight when Kathy and I watched the movie Lars and the Real Girl. (Thanks to Austen for the recommendation. I just added to my list of favorite movies.)

The premise of the story is that Lars, an intensely shy man in his 30s, finally finds his first girlfriend. And she’s a sex doll.

Thing is, while everyone around him is (initially) mortified, and we in the audience are chuckling uncontrollably, Lars is perfectly serious. This is his girlfriend and you quickly get the sense he’s not, um, fooling around.

Like the community in my dream, Lars’s family and friends let him have his illusion. They accept his girlfriend as one of their own. She attends church, she visits the doctor/psychologist with Lars, and all the girls help get her a better haircut.

The movie is dreamy and surreal — but plenty profound, in its own way.

It left me with the thought: What would it be like if we all really did let people have their illusions?

What would happen if, instead of trying to persuade someone to our perspective — religiously, politically, personally, or otherwise — we simply supported them in doing and believing … whatever they seem to need right now.

Would the Scientologists and Moonies just grow increasingly irrational? Or might they come live with greater integrity (whatever that means for them) in their own time?

What happens when we no longer needed our illusions? What if the felt need to change another person is an illusion itself?

Posted by Joshua Zader · Trackback URL · Link
  • Damian

    what about the sword of prajna?

  • Damian

    to elaborate, here’s a quote from the enlightened master richard rose:

    “I would like to give at this time also my attitude toward other systems. It is foolish to denounce other systems merely because they exist, and because we see no agreement with their method. It is likewise cowardly to fail to denounce any system that functions under a false pretense, and which in so doing, consumes the valuable young years of a student’s life in repayment for that student’s trust and faith. Of course we may be tempted to say that people without the proper vision deserve to be duped, but such thinking only spells the doom and hopelessness for future generations of which we are the seed, physically and spiritually.

    “We must discriminate, even as Buddha enjoined. We must point out error and denounce deliberate spiritual chicanery. We cannot lie down with fornicators and remain pure. We cannot get into mutual back-scratching, or lie down with rationalization unless we wish to become dishrags.

    “We can only find Truth be retreating from untruth, not by postulating a ‘Truth’ that we achieve by visualization rather than by realization. In Matthew, 10:34, Christ gives his aims, pointing out that he is not an agent of peace but the agent of the sword. He is referring to the sword of discrimination. In Zen writings it is called the sword of Prajna.”

  • http://www.andrewschwartz.net Andrew Schwartz

    I think there’s a way in which we can see illusions like crutches. They’re created by the mind to help us remain upright when injuries would otherwise prevent it.

    If we’re oriented around learning, growth, and improvement of our lives, we generally reach a point where we no longer need the crutches, at which point they can be discarded.

    We might see the possibility of discarding them ourselves; we might benefit from a bit of a push from a loving other.

    In terms of areas where I see someone operating on the basis of an illusion, though, I typically have a sense of whether it would be productive to point out my perspective to them. When my intuition is no, I keep quiet about it.

    There are other times, though, where my intuition is yes, and in those moments it seems most loving to speak up.

  • http://www.zader.com Joshua Zader

    Hmm, very well said, Andrew….

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