Comments on: Note to the Media: Fathers Are a Good Thing http://www.muditajournal.com/archives/516.php Mindfulness and Individualism Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:37:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: James Heaps-Nelson http://www.muditajournal.com/archives/516.php#comment-60254 James Heaps-Nelson Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:36:34 +0000 http://www.muditajournal.com/archives/516.php#comment-60254 I guess I had several uncles that served what might have been the father role at various times in my life. Mom moved to Northwest Iowa and I spent lots of time with my paternal grandparents and Uncle Tom. Later in high school I spent a lot of time with Uncle Dave and he helped set up my college fund. When I finished graduate school, I spent 6 months in Silicon Valley finding my first job at Uncle Keith's house and playing music on the weekends in San Francisco with Uncle Jarvis. I also spent many of my academic spring breaks at Uncle Jim's in Seattle. So I have 5 uncles that played a significant role in my life. It's weird though, I spent some time in adolescence feeling guilty for not missing my father more, though he was one of the best fathers you could have and spent more time with me up to age 9 than many fathers spend with their children. I felt somehow free to chart my own course without someone looking over my shoulder. I do think we learn behavior by role modeling, however, and that is something you can't get as much of without a good father. Jim I guess I had several uncles that served what might have been the father role at various times in my life. Mom moved to Northwest Iowa and I spent lots of time with my paternal grandparents and Uncle Tom. Later in high school I spent a lot of time with Uncle Dave and he helped set up my college fund. When I finished graduate school, I spent 6 months in Silicon Valley finding my first job at Uncle Keith’s house and playing music on the weekends in San Francisco with Uncle Jarvis. I also spent many of my academic spring breaks at Uncle Jim’s in Seattle. So I have 5 uncles that played a significant role in my life.

It’s weird though, I spent some time in adolescence feeling guilty for not missing my father more, though he was one of the best fathers you could have and spent more time with me up to age 9 than many fathers spend with their children. I felt somehow free to chart my own course without someone looking over my shoulder. I do think we learn behavior by role modeling, however, and that is something you can’t get as much of without a good father.

Jim

]]> By: Joshua Zader http://www.muditajournal.com/archives/516.php#comment-60253 Joshua Zader Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:10:13 +0000 http://www.muditajournal.com/archives/516.php#comment-60253 Jim, Thanks for your comments. I agree that growing up without a father doesn't turn children into completely impoverished beings. I have also noticed, however, that there are unconscious effects which can be hard to quantify or even be aware of much of the time. I too speak from some personal experience too, by the way. My parents divorced when I was two. We know the impact on each of us is different ... but in my experience, those who are raised by a good father (which is not really the same as "a father") have a significant advantage in life that can be hard to even adequately capture in words. Joshua Jim,

Thanks for your comments. I agree that growing up without a father doesn’t turn children into completely impoverished beings.

I have also noticed, however, that there are unconscious effects which can be hard to quantify or even be aware of much of the time.

I too speak from some personal experience too, by the way. My parents divorced when I was two.

We know the impact on each of us is different … but in my experience, those who are raised by a good father (which is not really the same as “a father”) have a significant advantage in life that can be hard to even adequately capture in words.

Joshua

]]> By: James Heaps-Nelson http://www.muditajournal.com/archives/516.php#comment-60252 James Heaps-Nelson Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:21:08 +0000 http://www.muditajournal.com/archives/516.php#comment-60252 I definitely think a good father is very important. However, having grown up a significant fraction of my life after my father died at age 9, it doesn't mean that you are going to have an impoverished childhood if you don't have one. It simply means you may have more obstacles to overcome and less guidance than if you did have one. Jim I definitely think a good father is very important. However, having grown up a significant fraction of my life after my father died at age 9, it doesn’t mean that you are going to have an impoverished childhood if you don’t have one. It simply means you may have more obstacles to overcome and less guidance than if you did have one.

Jim

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