Sex Advice from Objectivists
Last week, a writer from Nerve.com invited me, as owner of the Atlasphere, to participate in a column titled “Sex Advice from Objectivists.”
It’s part of their regular “Sex Advice from…” series, including advice from tribute bands, Santas, and poker players. Get the picture?
As I read through the questions I would be answering, I remember thinking that many Objectivists are just about the last people I’d want to be asking questions like this.
Anyway, they published the Objectivist-themed column today, so go judge for yourself. Overall, I think they actually did a decent job of picking writers.
Below are my own answers, preserved for posterity, in case someday they make the article available only to paying subscribers.
I over-analyze sex while in the midst of it. How can I stop thinking and enjoy the moment?
Spend more time in teasing and foreplay, building up your sexual energy rather than thinking about how to get somewhere. Don’t have sex until you’re absolutely crazy with passion. Once you do, look right into your partner’s eyes so there’s no escaping the meaning of your connection together. Move slowly, and forget about the orgasm — it’ll take care of itself.
My boyfriend just told me he’s had male sexual partners in the past. It’s really bothering me. How can I get past this?
Sounds like there’s more to your feelings than mere surprise. Are you worried he might like his guy friends more than you? That he might not stick around? That he might have HIV? Figure out where you’re coming from first, then revisit the subject with him sometime. One way or another, talking honestly about your feelings is likely to lead to a better outcome.
I’m still really hung up on my ex-girlfriend and I believe we should be together. I’d like to try to win her back. Where’s the line between ardent suitor and stalker?
There isn’t much of a line. If you want a relationship more than she does, she’s unlikely to respect you. Get over it and move on, instead of wasting your time pursuing a woman who’s already told you she’s uninterested.
What can Ayn Rand teach us about sex?
That it’s not just a meeting of bodies, but also of minds. Find someone you can admire personally as well as physically. The sex will be sexier and you’ll feel better in the morning.
I have little sexual experience and I have a date with a girl who has lots. Should I own up or fake it?
Every man has a first time, so don’t imagine you have anything to hide. Tell her you’re a virgin and you’d love to explore new territory with her. If she’s as experienced as you think, she no doubt knows the ropes. One thing you have going for you: Most women are far more savvy and considerate about this than we men could ever hope to be.
I’m dating a woman I have great sex with, but I don’t foresee our relationship becoming serious. Do I need to spell out that it’s a sex-only relationship or can we just have one without my saying so?
Tell her you’re only with her for the sex. She’ll either appreciate your honesty or discover what a cad you are. Prepare for an ego adjustment.
What’s the best way to get an objectivist to go home with you?
Show him your dog-eared copy of Atlas Shrugged.
My full answer to the last question ended with something like, “Or, you could just invite him to come fix your fireplace.”
But for some reason they edited that part out. 
Josh,
That’s awesome! It gave me an electrifying thrill to read you responding to these questions with such straightforward authority and depth of wisdom.
You’re a good man, Charlie Brown.
Andrew
[...] To his credit (because he’s a wicked-smart guy), Joshua himself says on his Web site: "I remember thinking that many Objectivists are just about the last people I’d want to be asking questions like this." No shit, dude. When I was hanging around Objectivist circles, I knew two types of Objectivists: the middle-aged-and-older crew who never talked about sex except in glowing, rational, Rand-approved monogamous terms; and the 20-somethings who fucked and swapped like rabbits, and twisted Rand’s language to justify it to themselves. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that – twisting restrictive life-systems to justify one’s salacious behavior is a thousands-year-old tradition!) [...]
[...] To his credit (because he’s a wicked-smart guy), Joshua himself says on his Web site: "I remember thinking that many Objectivists are just about the last people I’d want to be asking questions like this." No shit, dude. When I was hanging around Objectivist circles, I knew two types of Objectivists: the middle-aged-and-older crew who never talked about sex except in glowing, rational, Rand-approved monogamous terms; and the 20-somethings who fucked and swapped like rabbits, and twisted Rand’s language to justify it to themselves. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that – twisting restrictive life-systems to justify one’s salacious behavior is a thousands-year-old tradition!) [...]