David Deida on Love and Sex
Andrew has introduced me to the writings of David Deida, who specializes in teaching spiritual and sexual wisdom for men (and the women they love to love).
Here is the “Blue Truth of the Week” currently featured on the front page of Deida’s site:
Desire Invites Your Gifts
Allow desire to draw you into the deepest giving of love possible. When you yearn for your lover, don’t resist the desire, but also don’t attach it to something less than your deepest feeling-truth. No carnal embrace in itself equals eternal love. No anatomical perfection satisfies the emptiness of gifts ungiven. No genital friction adds up to the fire of the heart unbound.
Allow desire to be a doorway through which to give your gifts, rather than a cravenness through which to acquire something. Convert the course of sexual want from contentment to boundlessness. Give from your heart so fully you are as gone as love is wide, all edges vaporized in the flame of sexual combustion. Die into the light of love.
Receive the moment of desire as an urgent invitation to bare your heart. What you really want to get is also what you really want to give. Love. Boundless love. Deep down, you have knowledge of a love without end, a love that always shines. Sex can be the present exposure of this eternal shine of knowing. Desire is a shard of this light. Go through the desire, through love’s invitation, and emerge re-awakened in the same brightness, now recognized, as you began.
For Him
Genital Worship
Men often fantasize about having a big penis because it gives them the sense of being able to really penetrate a woman, to split her open, to “give her what she wants.” But the penis is merely a physical sign for consciousness, and you can only offer your woman as much consciousness as you are.
Men conflate “big penis” with “big consciousness.” They secretly want a woman to worship their penis as if they were God. Most men really, deeply, want this. What most men don’t know is that they are divine consciousness, and they can totally ravish their woman with huge consciousness, regardless of the size of their penis. Men intuit their capacity to ravish a woman into total love, bliss, and surrender—they even feel it as a kind of duty—but then they look down at their little wanker and begin to doubt their ability to give her what she needs.
To give your woman “what she needs” means to bring her beyond the merely personal aspects of love and sex through the strength of your consciousness. Most men consider consciousness to be something associated with their head. This is a mistake. Consciousness is another word for love, the open space of existence, the cognizant radiance of being, in which all things shimmer, including your body. And the only way your woman is truly ravished by your consciousness is through your body.
For Her
Men Want Emptiness, Women Want Fullness
Suppose your man criticizes you. Perhaps he points out a way that you have been selfish. In response, you may feel hurt and angry. You’ve done so much for him, given so much of yourself, how dare he call you selfish?
While you identify with your self-image, then you are easily prickled by criticism and coddled by praise. Spiritual growth involves gradually identifying more and more with who you really are, which is love itself. But how can you be the deep love who you are when you feel so closed, contracted, angry, or upset in your body?
The feminine way is not so much about feeling through emotion, sensation, and thought into the openness or space of being. This is the masculine way; since the masculine is at home in emptiness, it is attracted easily into the open space of awareness. But the feminine is at home in love-energy or light, the fullness of life. The feminine doesn’t want to feel through everything into the openness of being. The feminine wants to feel. Everything. Fully. And in doing so, the feminine relaxes as love, which is the openness of being.
*Loosens collar* Whoa. Is it just me, or is Deida onto something incredibly, pivotally, spiritually HOT?
I’m currently reading his book The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire, which is mind-blowingly insightful.
I can tell it’s the sort of book I’ll be re-reading every few years, to find new nuggets that apply to my life. I only wish I’d started reading his stuff when I was fifteen.
For the record, it’s not all about Big Penis. He talks about Big Productivity and Big Purpose, too.
Which just makes it that much more sexy.
On conflating “big penis” with “big consciousness”: I have always felt that the body is a perfect expression of consciousness, and that the reason so many people (men and, YES, women, despite pretenses or denials to the contrary) are so wowed and bowled over by big penises is that on some level we know that it is a kind of “proof” of some condition of consciousness that possesses (and expresses by physiognmy) HUGE potential for love and/or giving and/or acceptance of admiration and/or other elements that make a person erotic and sexually super-attractive. In other words, men who are well hung really do deserve the kind of attention they get as some kinds of sex gods.
Alker,
Sounds like a fun thing to believe … if one happens to have been born with a big penis. Or if you’re a pen1s en1arg3ment spammer. But for the other guys? Not so fun.
Joshua
If you want to take physical features and attribute them to an emotional quality you are an idiot. What about girls that are fat? Or birth defects? To suggest to people that they have something big or small because of something in their concious, that is ludicrous and would give people some serious issues. Its biology. People arent born hermaphroditic because something in ther insides. Its luck of the draw. I konw I would certainly love to have a bigger penis