On Lovingkindness and Happiness
Mudita Forum has begun a chapter-by-chapter discussion of Sharon Salzberg’s book Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, which discusses the Buddhist practice of lovingkindness (or metta, in Pali).
Below is a posting I wrote on the subject, in response to Damian’s question “Has anyone else had experience with metta meditation that they’d care to share?”
I should mention that I’m somewhat reluctant to post this topic on my blog. I expect that some Objectivists will be repulsed. And that’s a downright shame, in my mind, as lovingkindness meditation one of the most concrete examples I’ve found of a technology for true happiness. Some will no doubt be closed to the idea, and even hostile.
So be it. I hope my comments will do something to help soften the stigma.
I first encountered metta meditation in 2000 or so, from the same psychologist, Tom Bien, who introduced me to Buddhism (via Thich Nhat Hahn’s writings). He recommended some traditional phrases — “May I be happy, may I be free of physical suffering, may I be free of mental suffering, etc...” — for me to use during my sittings. I experimented with them but didn’t feel like I was getting much out of it at all, for some reason.
I next encountered metta meditation in 2002 when I attended my first Leigh Brasington retreat. Leigh stayed with me during the night before the retreat, and I had the opportunity to chat with him about my practice and what I hoped to get out of it.
During one of our conversations, Leigh explained that there are three basic “personality types” within Buddhism: those who tend to be greedy for experiences, those who tend to be fearful of experiences, and those who tend to be confused by their experiences. They correspond roughly to the archetypes for greed, hatred, and delusion. We all have some of each, but one tends to prevail within our personality.
Leigh suggested I might be the second type (which tends to be fearful of experience, perhaps because of my chronic facial pain) and I agreed with his assessment. He then pointed out that, for my personality type, metta is the most important practice in meditation — the practice which could open my heart and bring balance and joy to my life.
I bought his perspective from the beginning, but I’ve been slow to implement it in my life ... it’s been four years since then, and I still don’t consistently employ metta in my practice.
Fortunately, however, Leigh showed me how to get much better results, when I do practice metta. The trick, for me, is to use visual imagery rather than verbal phrases. For example, if I picture the face of someone I love (tucking my wife Kathy into bed is my favorite visualization) then I can often get a nice strong feeling of love inside my chest, which I can then extend to myself and others, by bringing each person before me in my mind’s eye.
During his retreats, Leigh uses a wonderful selection of guided visualizations for each night’s metta practice. They’re originally from his teacher, Ayya Khema.
Some of my favorites are “The Beloved,” “Golden Light,” and “The Fountain.” In my head, I hear them in Leigh’s (rather kind) voice, with a nice long pause between paragraphs, during which I sometimes get very deeply into the visualizations.
I’ve been thinking about recording my own renditions of the guided visualizations, to play back to myself in the evenings, when I begin meditating. (If any of you would be interested in having a copy of this on CD, let me know. That might help get me off the dime.)
Wrapping up my story.... During this year’s retreat, I read Salzberg’s book and was mostly impressed. She is not a spectacular writer, in my opinion, but she has some wonderful stories; and some sections of the book (the introduction and first chapter, in particular) seemed downright beautiful and have inspired me to take this practice much more seriously.
As I was reading, and trying to conceptualize some things I wish she had said more clearly, it occurred to me that there seem to be three aspects of really adopting a metta practice:
1. UNDERSTANDING - Grasping the nature and value of metta practice. Realizing that it contributes to your happiness. Realizing the paradoxical nature of love: the more of it you give away, the more of it you have. Realizing that this is a very, very good thing for anyone with a heart and a mind and a desire to be happy.
2. FEELING - Cultivating the actual feelings of love, kindness, and ardor that can arise inside of you. Helping to grow those feelings inside, to provide fuel and motivation for your metta practice. Damn, it just feels good.
3. INTENTION - Setting a deliberate intention to act with love and kindness toward the people you interact with in day-to-day life. It’s easy to feel as though the “feeling” step is the most important one, given how powerful it can be. In reality, however, your ability to apply metta to your life is largely a function of how strongly and clearly your intention has been set — and followed.
During this year’s retreat, I set my intention; I resolved firmly to adopt an attitude of love and kindness on a daily basis, toward the people with whom I interact. And for me this isn’t some lovey-dovey, hippie-dippy aspiration; it’s a concrete realization that when I’m loving, I’m happy; and when I’m fearful or angry, I become unhappy and stay unhappy ... until I wake up.
This means no more getting impatient and condescending when I receive poor customer service on the phone, for example. But since this is something that always leaves me feeling troubled afterwards anyway, I’m not expecting to miss it much.
So that’s my story and my take on why metta has become so important to me. I look forward to hearing others’ thoughts!
I am now reading Sharon Salzberg’s book so I am a year behind you. During the last year have you gained any further insights into the practice of metta?
As an Objectivist the Buddhist emphasis on altruism has bothered me. However, Salzberg describes a more acceptable form of altruism that seems much more acceptable. She indicates that altruism is something we do when the occassion arises and is not necessarily something we go looking for. Also, that we must know our limits and when to say no. Wow, it is OK to say no!
The practice of metta feels good. The altruism described by Salzberg is not the outright blind self sacrafice that Rand opposes. Maybe there is a nice middle ground here.